The Hunt

Spreading the black streaks under my eyes, I take out my poison dart shooter. No this is not a video game. This is Intern Hunts Flies Part III. Armed with my mostly empty Sparkling Poland Spring bottle, I swish and whack in every direction possible in order to kill my nemesis. Failure. We shall ignore the fact I am highly visible by all co-workers for the sake of argument. But yes, I look like a mad-intern. Intern gone wild. Plus two flies.

The Perfect Nemesis

So I’ve been uber busy lately, hence the lack of time to even THINK of what to write. Whatever happened to my days of boredom? Alas, coporate America has gotten the best of me. So a special someone found this link today and I am considering trading my current job for this. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/672031640.html I am only kidding, of course, but I AM THE PERFECT NEMESIS. God bless whoever posted this. And I don’t even know if I believe in such things.

“Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend

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Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT

I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I’m willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, “Ahha, we meet again”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.”

Release me!

I don’t recommend walking while eating Subway. Or any food for that matter. Because then your stomach hurts. That’s pretty much all I can say so far for today. I’ve finally combated my three-week long coffee addition but have not gotten the hang of eating properly, ie. at the right time and place. Hunger strikes around 11am if not sooner. And Hunger does discriminate. My co-workers don’t feel the pangs until 1:30pm the earliest. Anyway, I have not done much today as you can guess. Finishing up an assignment from yesterday and beginning a new one today. Other than that, the general boredom and fending off the hunger that comes with deprivation.
I did, however, during this walk, discover many new places in my surroundings. Such as stores that sell mannequins and the likes. Very interesting. Oh and a shop with international soccer apparel. Fun! I also acquired many unkind looks from girls walking my direction as I shoved my face continually into my sandwich. Mmm roast beef on whole wheat with black olives. And toasted! My fave!

4.10pm
I’ve never wanted to get out of here as badly as I do now. It’s like being a kid and enduring the last few days of class before school lets out for the summer. PAINFUL. I know the sun is shining outside! Let me out let me out!

Skirt

Today actually is going by quite quickly. I mean, I only spend endless hours this morning figuring out what to blog upon. Not really. I mean, I knew it was time to do a feature on runways, but actually going through a gazillion pictures to find ones I could actually use? Priceless. Anyway, it took altogether too long but at least I had a lunch date with an old friend to look forward to. That was nice. Olive Garden and endless bowls of garden salad. What a treat!
For someone aspiring to dress nicely, I have missed the mark today. My skirt keeps sloshing around my waist, converting my knee length pencil skirt into a teeny pre-teen crotch skirt every time I sit down. Yelp.  Perhaps tomorrow will be a better fashion day. I can only hope

meh

Stupid WordPress wouldn’t work and I was getting antsy and super FRUSTRATED. I WANT MY LUNCH! and now this goddamn fly is buzzing around again. ARGHHHHHHHH!

I think WordPress sensed that I was aggravated and might drop-kick the computer and therefore decided to cooperate. Good boy.

Back from lunch, food in my belly, and quite content. I continued my life of social networking / “reaching out” to a worthy audience. New job function I should say. I even had my first interns-only meeting this morning! Whoop! I’m part of the club! A PRIVATE club! MUSE MUSE MUSE. I wonder what their musings look like. Do they have any? Perchance I should ask. Or not.
So the elevator was broken before. That or really really stupid. I pressed the god forsaken button multiple times to no avail. It wouldn’t even turn on its stupid orange light. Jerk. I was also scared that if I got into the broken/retarded elevator I might never get out again. Lucky me ended up on that elevator and not the other one. After pressing the up button. To go down. MEH.

Something should be done. Perhaps I should contact the National Elevators Federation. As if there is one. Bonus points if there is. Yahoo told me today that Elevator Repairmen earn the most money for a blue collar job. Interesting. Well maybe they should come repair this elevator. It could use a face lift.

BUZZ

The boredom monster has taken over again. Apart from a delightful (chuckle) blog entry this morning, I have done squat. Zilch. Zero. Nothing.
Well, I have been looking through my travel photos from last summer and selecting prints. Other than that, I officially have the most unproductive job EVER. It doesn’t help that Boss 1 and 2 are away enjoying the sunshine of the sunshine state. L-U-C-K-Y. The highlight of my morning was the delivery of more Poland Spring water jugs so that I may commence my daily bathroom runs. So far I’ve only gone once. That’s a record. Oh, and, someone cleaned the area above the microwave and organized the crap up there and put a glass jar full of Tootsie Pops. Let’s just see if there are any left by the end of the day. Mwa ha ha! Their mistake for shoving me into the conference room. It’s not like I’m really bitter. I’m not. But writing this blog makes me sarcastically so. It’s quite fun.
Let’s see. What else did I do? Ah yes, I declared war against the savage fly buzzing around the room earlier. I grabbed a mini booklet of jewelry prices and began swatting at it whenever it flew by. Ah there it is again! It had left but now the evil fly has RETURNED. BOO. Well, anyway, I hit it twice and thought I had killed it and dropped its little body into my bag. I then emptied the bag item by item and flipped it upside down hoping that there would be no carcasses there later. Nothing came out. And yet, the fly was no where to be found. Well, it has re-appeared. Twice. Which means I was unsuccessful in killing it. We shall see. It will not live past this afternoon if I am the excellent hunter I have trained myself to be in my one year of higher education. Whatever that means.

Fridays are for …

Day 11
I commenced in my usual manner. Boredom, boredom, BLOG! After taking a good amount of time
Right before lunch, my fellow intern and I were given an assignment that might as well have been written in hieroglyphics. Who really knows what Boss meant? Anyway, it’s officially 1:15 and we still have not received clarification. Off to browse more shoes.
*Just in!* I cracked up M and E. Apparently, E refers to vanilla cupcakes, namely M’s vanilla cupcakes she brought in from home, as “bad boys”. I kindly reminded him of the ridiculousness of his comment, considering my eighth grade teacher used to refer to sentence structures as Bad Boys. Oh boy. Ahem, Oh bad boy.
They then proceeded to discuss how far each would go to win a million dollars on Fear Factor. Neither would each a cockroach right now if it were crawling across the floor. I don’t blame them. We all proceeded to watch a spider being devoured on YouTube. Minus me. Eep!

So it’s a good thing I don’t get paid. Well, for the company anyway. I have officially done nothing. Pretty much all day, with the exception of a post. Wheeeee!

The Water Girl

Day 10:
Day 10 was fun, oh yes. Besides boredom, I actually accomplished a few things. For one, I learned how to make a linesheet! That’s right ladies and gentleman, a real LIVE linesheet! Complete with two hours of backbreaking work (not really) trying to figure out how to compress all these tiny images into one sheet and growing frustrated, only to send it in and realize it could have been done in two pages! Grrrr. And so I rushed through the end of the day in a frenzy of linesheet business. But that was just the end of the day. The morning was way more fun. It went a little like this. Write blog. Take three hours on it. No one is watching. Damn I must seem like a terrible employee. One day this will get back to me when future employers read this. Anyhow, I fixed a few product things then… Yawn. And then, – this is where the fun part comes in – I devote the day to making myself a pretty little blog! Hehe. That was the pinnacle of my day, the absolute most productive time. Too bad it had nothing to do with my job. Don’t get me wrong, I am constantly thinking up new blog ideas. But really, how long can that take? I feel my brain whittling away as I grow restless. I do have a fun time swatting at flies though. Oh, I had forgotten to mention my unlikely circumstances. As the main office is too full, I am banned to the far corners of the conference room. There I requench my thirst on a quarter hour basis, so that I am in the bathroom at least once an hour. Others may wonder what the heck is the matter with me. But only I know the truth . Anyhow, in this lovely conference room, little flies dance through the air and I crunch their wings as I smack them down. Population control. On the rare occassion that another intern is MIA, I get the opportunity to move into the main room! “Congratulations! Take one step forward.” It’s like climbing a ladder in Chutes and Ladders! Only that the ladder turns into a slide as soon as the missing person returns. Oh well. It’s interesting to be in civilization once in a while. And then I return to solitude. Solitary confinement. Where my thoughts run free and … Yep that’s where the thought train ends. Crash.
After my quickie lunch. Which it generally is since I pick up a salad at Whole Foods a few blocks down. I was joined in the conference room by two co-workers who were taking their lunch break. One, E, kept asking me to refill his water because I was closer and willing to do so. I’m so nice. Well, the third and final time I got up, I was walking back, cup brimming with water, and I knocked into my chair and sent water flying everywhere. Hahaha. It really was hilarious. He was also laughing. Great fun. Except the clean up. God I’m clumsy. Waay to go Goof. End of Day 10.

Boooredom

Days 2-9:
Yes, these can be bunched together. They felt like one giant blob anyway. A blob of product descriptions being written and published on the website, blogs ideas being wretched out and posted, and counting down the minutes until lunch. [38 minutes remaining]. I have determined that my job is a hazard. To my wallet. And savings. And possibly future down-payment on a mortgage. College savings? Gone. Why, you may ask? Because putting up descriptions for glorious jewelry I cannot afford is simply energy draining! And to say I was never a huge fan of jewelry to begin with! But now, rings, bracelets and necklaces galore! I want them all! [insert Little Mermaid song here].
What to do, what to do. One year of higher education down the drain with boredom. Not to say I didn’t want this job. I did. And I enjoy it. In the 1-2 hours when I am actually doing something productive. Sigh.

Ah but the occasional days are fun. Such as the day 90s boy bands poured through the offices, filling our ears and touching our hearts… I kid.

Introduction

So there’s this lady who cleans for us. And she is evil. She is the evil cleaning lady of suite ###. Her favorite pastime? Asking me to move. No, no, not kindly. More of moving my things until she elicits a response from me. And then I move. Sometimes she mumbles thank you. Rarely. I wonder what secret things she is contemplating. Mwa haha! But really, I don’t think I like her.

So neverending boredom is part of my daily routine. While sifting through blogs, I happened to find this fun one with mysterious rings: http://www.glassfiction.blogspot.com/